By Dave ShieldsWelcome back to the story that is unfolding in my spiritual life. I have found that it is easy to capture my thoughts here like I used to. My friends can read it, and I can look back on it to see another place where God was involved in my life. What I have captured below is the latest in my ongoing conversation with God about the next steps for my future.
I continue to seek God’s face over my next steps. I felt called to Psalm 129 but found nothing that spoke to me. Thinking I might have misunderstood the message, I also tried Psalm 12:9, but that was also not fruitful. I took time to pray and ponder before I felt called to Psalm 119, the longest Psalm. Here, some fruit was found.
"Joyful are people of integrity, who follow the instructions of the LORD. Joyful are those who obey His laws and search for him with all their hearts. They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in His paths."
- Psalm 119:1-3
From what I can see here, this seems as though God is giving me some admonishment for continuing to seek Him. I am not making any decisions out of some vain desire for personal gain, but I am seeking God’s wisdom not to place myself in the wrong situation. One of the nuggets of wisdom I gleamed from my pastor when I brought this to his attention is that the fact that I am fighting a battle with doubt means I am making the right choice. If the enemy wanted me to submit to his will, he would make it easy. This is not easy in any stretch of the imagination.
"Keep me from lying to myself; give me the privilege of knowing your instructions."
- Psalm 119:29
Okay, I confess this became more of a conversation in which I felt God was instructing me about the correct way to act rather than giving me guidance. Yes, our Father loves us unconditionally, but He is still the King of Kings and must be respectfully treated if we wish for His direction. I must caution myself from thinking I somehow have a better plan than God Almighty. Much of the rest I gained from this study section were more instruction echoes.
"Make me walk along the path of your commands, for that is where my happiness is found."
- Psalm 119:35
If I read and interpret this correctly, this also appears to be what God expects from me. I will be unhappy if I cannot walk the path He has set for me. This scenario has played out plenty of times in my life. When I first became a believer, I had this mentality that I was walking in a minefield and if I stepped even one foot off the track, I would get blown up and God would lay down His wrath. Thankfully, I have learned that God is eternally more merciful than this. He will allow us to make plenty of mistakes in our lives, but that doesn’t mean He will let us suffer each time. The path is certainly less painful when we follow where He sends us.
"Lord, you are mine! I promise to obey your words! With all my heart I want your blessings. Be merciful as you promised. I pondered the direction of my life, and I turned to follow your laws. "
- Psalm 119:57-59.
Once again, God is telling me that the way the Psalmist speaks to God is how my heart should be. God has always been merciful to me, no matter my failures. As I mentioned, this conversation strikes me more as God instructing me how to act rather than telling me what is next. Whatever the next direction, God wants me to cling to His ways to succeed and feel His mercy.
"You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow your commands."
- Psalm 119:73
Oof! Talk about a slice of humble pie! Again, anyone who wants to argue that God does not have a sense of humor has not spent enough time with Him. Despite my desire to follow God in everything, I am still a child of Adam and Eve with a sinful nature and a desire to go my own ways. God created me for a purpose, a very specific one, but that doesn’t mean I make it easy for Him. As a follower, I must be willing to give up my desires so that I can follow where He is leading.
"I will never forget your commandments, for by them, you give me life."
- Psalm 119:93
Nothing in this world has been gained by my selfish ambition, or at least nothing of value. Way back in 2005, I still thought my life was my own to direct and mold. Truthfully, it was and still is, but I have learned that the life I lead when I am doing my own thing is no life at all. God threw me on the ground and forced me to evaluate my life. I realized that my life would be far less rewarding if I kept trying to do things on my own. With my heart and life focused on God’s commands, I am finally experiencing a life filled with blessings and grace.
"O, LORD, listen to my cry; give me the discerning mind you promised."
- Psalm 119:169.
Now, we finally arrive at the statement God wants me to say. “Give me the discerning mind you promised.” You might say, ‘But Dave, isn’t that what you are doing?’ Not exactly. When I first began this quest for knowledge, I cried, “God! Show me what to do!” He did just that. He showed me that I needed to spend time in His Word, praying and seeking His face. Now that I am doing those things (finally), I learned what I need to seek – discernment.
I am still not done with this conversation, but its direction has changed slightly. I still have much more work to do before I understand God’s plan in this moment and others. Yet, instead of looking for what to do, I need to start thinking about what to do and ask for discernment. That is what I plan to do.
As part of this quest, I contacted several of my mentors. One of them is a man who excels in every way when hearing from God. I told him my situation and asked him to pray for God to give him some words to share. It took him a few days to hear God clearly, but he finally responded: ‘Tell him to mind the way of Abraham.’ He was unsure what this meant, but I figured I could at least spend some time in Abraham’s story, so I did that. His story starts in Genesis 12, and that is where I began. It wasn’t until three chapters in that I finally found something that started to feel like advice.
"And Abram believed the LORD, and the LORD counted him as righteous because of his faith."
- Genesis 15:6
This is probably one of the most straightforward instructions so far. If I am to ‘mind the way of Abraham,’ that will start with me believing in the Lord. Of course, you say, “But Dave, you do believe in the Lord!” Yes, that is correct, but believing God can do everything without my involvement is a hard pill to swallow, especially for a control freak like me. As this next phase begins to take shape, I must put all my faith in the Lord to do what needs to be done. My faith will be tested, but I will be counted as righteous if I follow where He leads.
At this point, I have documented what I have done up to this point. I have not yet done my quiet time for today, but when I do, I am sure I will have more to write.